New Year

I’m finally going back to school.

I am finally going to be studying English. Poetry. Writing. The thing that makes my heart stop and start and start and start. I am terrified. I never finish my undergrad degree. In the past, I experienced intense anxiety in school. I skipped my last year of high school and went straight to college, majored in something I thought I loved. I lost interest. I discovered slam. My depression was at an all-time low. I’d be late for class and end up skipping it. I wrote poems instead of papers. I was terrible to my partners, worse to myself. I remember sleeping so much, I got myself tested for mono.

Be gone, Self-Hatred.

Now I’m 26. I know what I want to do when I finally “grow up.” Perhaps, it has something to do with the realization that we never grow up. We are never done growing. There is no adults-only enlightenment. We are all on an endless journey into ourselves. And this time, this lap around myself, I know I deserve love and patience and a friggin college degree. I want it. I want to sharpen my craft. I want to polish my tools. I want to know my art as intimately as I know myself, completely and honestly.

Be gone, Anxiety.

This January, I will be taking the second poetry class of my life from someone that, Facebook stalking confirms, is younger than me. I have to trust that although she is younger and teaching (what I dream of doing), my life has brought me here. My path is not wrong or right, but beautiful mine.

Be gone, Fear. You have no place here anymore.

  1. pornographicphonograph reblogged this from sierrademulder and added:
    When I go back to school, I’m taping this on my forehead.
  2. fuckyeahsierrademulder reblogged this from sierrademulder
  3. just-another-calamity reblogged this from sierrademulder
  4. everyoneisanenabler said: You. You have come so far. You’re brilliant. I know you can do this. Promise.
  5. liliesonsundaymorning reblogged this from sierrademulder
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